Can a man and a woman be best friends?

CAN a man and a woman ever be best friends? This is one pertinent question that keeps popping up over and over again. It was first put out perhaps for public scrutiny in When Harry Met Sally. The hugely popular hit was then followed by My Best Friend’s Wedding (1997) and Hum Tum in India (a desi remake of When Harry Met Sally) in 2004.

India’s GenNow got introduced to the question with the Imran Khan-Genelia D’Souza starrer Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Naa (2009). This year we have Friends With Benefits claiming friendship is a four- letter word. In short, they say a man and a woman can never be friends — as for being best friends, that’s a distant dream.

Yet outside the celluloid world, relationships are far more complicated. The roles being played out in the real world are not bound by a script. Real people fail to understand what movies preach and confuse love with friendship and vice versa. Relationship experts say having a best friend from the opposite sex is one of the main reasons marriages are failing these days.

"When two people from the opposite sex get emotionally close to each other, at least one of them is bound to get attracted to the other and this can cause problems if they are married to different people,” says Dr Kamal Khurana, relationship counsellor, Purple Alley.

MY WIFE’S BEST FRIEND

EDWIN Fernandes ( name changed), a creative director with an advertising agency, is right now going through a divorce and has only himself to blame for it. His story got complicated after his best friend became his wife’s best friend: “ I used to run to my best friend for every problem in my marriage. Consequently, my wife started doing the same. Slowly she got dependant on him emotionally and then she fell in love with him.” With society opening up to having friends from the opposite sex, are we emotionally intelligent enough to handle all these relationships? Not quite, says Dr Rachna Singh, lifestyle expert, Artemis Hospital. “The real problem starts when you are married and have a best friend from the opposite sex. The definition of a best friend overlaps into the definition of a spouse. And then there is a conflict,” says Singh.

A friendship is about companionship, trust and love. And a marriage is about companionship, trust, love and sex. The Sword is the only distinguishing factor. “ In such triangular relationships jealousy creeps causing a conflict,” says Singh.

WHEN TO LET GO

MANISHA Dhar, 28, an account manager with a PR firm, was puzzled when her college buddy and best friend stopped taking her calls or replying to her text messages. All she got after two months of silence was an email invitation for his wedding – that too a day before the wedding.

“A common friend told me his fiancée felt insecure when she found him even talking to someone from the opposite sex. Obviously she wasn’t too comfortable with him discussing his life and sharing all his secrets with me,” says Dhar, who couldn’t make it to the wedding after all. “ I was very happy for him. After all he was one of my best friends. We used to talk over the phone for hours in college discussing everything under the sun. And when I say everything it included sex lives.” Dhar admits if the two hadn’t fallen in love with different people, they might have ended up marrying each other. “ We had a sort of a back- up pact like in My Best Friend’s Wedding .” But unlike Julia Roberts in the film, Dhar isn’t much perturbed though. “I have found a new best friend in my husband. But I hope my friend grows up soon,” she says. Relationship therapists term Dhar’s ‘ letting go’ act to be the wisest thing to do.

Dr Khurana says such situations should be dealt with maturity.

“Equations change after marriage. Your spouse becomes your 24x7 best friend. If you are seeking emotional support from another best friend from the opposite sex outside your marriage you are not being fair to your partner,” he says.

THE BALANCING ART

MARRIAGE counsellor, Anu Goel, who counselled Fernandes says married people can afford to have best friends from the opposite sex but there’s a rider attached. “ The relationship with the spouse should be very strong. The trust level between the partners should be high.

And both the husband and wife should know where to draw the line. Otherwise it’s not too difficult to have an extra marital affair these days. It’s as easy as blinking!” says Goel.

Ujjawal Suri, 28, a Delhi- based software professional, who is single in the city has many close male friends who are married. “ If you’re a good friend you will take care not to ruin your friend’s marriage,” says Suri, admitting that equations change after marriage.

“You can’t call up your friend in the middle of the night any more, for instance,” he says.

The best way out is to befriend the spouse as well. “ I make sure I have a good equation with the husband too. That way I have two people to turn to, and to get a female as well as male point of view,” says Suri.

GENDER DOES MATTER

Interestingly, Dr Khurana feels discussing marital problems with your best friend amounts to emotional cheating.

“You should first sort it out with your partner. The moment you start giving precedence to your best friend over your spouse, you should know there is something wrong. I consider it emotional cheating,” says Khurana.

Primacy does lie with your spouse — your pillar of support in good times and bad.

Top 10 diet foods that can make you fat

You’ve cut back on chocolate, chucked out the biscuits and raided your nearest health food store, so why aren’t you losing those pounds? Unfortunately, even with the best intentions, you could be sabotaging your weight loss with the wrong foods. They might look and seem healthy, but that’s not always the case. Check out the top 10 diet foods that could pile on the pounds.

Juices and smoothies

When totting up our daily intake of calories, many of us forget to take into account those that come in liquid form. However, the drinks you consume throughout the day can vastly contribute to weight gain. While smoothies and juices count towards your daily intake of fruit (and swapping fry-ups for a morning smoothie would certainly do wonders for your waistline!) supplementing meals with these sugary fruit drinks could add hundreds of extra calories on to your daily intake. Smoothies and juices contain more sugar but less fibre than whole fruit, making fresh fruit a much better snacking option.

Cereal bars

Many of us believe that cereal bars are the perfect healthy snack and breakfast-on-the-go. However, most breakfast bars are packed with cane sugar and corn syrup, not to mention high levels of fat. In fact, despite their healthy image, cereal bars can contain as much fat, sugar and calories as an average chocolate bar, and can cause crashes in blood sugar levels which will leave you craving more food.

Dried fruit

As with smoothies and juices, dried fruit has many beneficial properties and counts towards your daily intake of fruit. However, due to the concentration of sugars that occurs when fruit is dehydrated, it is also very high in calories and sugar when compared to the same amount of fresh fruit, and is much lower in fibre and nutrients. On top of this, many brands add sugar to dried fruit to improve the flavour, which boosts the calorie content even further.

Diet drinks

Many of us turn to sugar-free versions of our favourite drinks to help stay trim, yet diet drinks may actually be causing you to pile on the pounds. Research by the Texas Health Science Center at San Antonio found that those who consumed diet drinks daily experienced a 70 per cent greater increase in waist circumference than those who drank none, while a previous study showed that obesity risk increased by 41 per cent for each diet drink consumed. A suggested reason for this is that artificial sweeteners trigger appetite, and they may also inhibit the brain cells that make you feel full.

Salads

When eating out or buying food on the go, salads are generally presented as the “healthy option”. However, often this is not the case. While salads contain vegetables and other healthy ingredients, these are often buried under a layer of oily, sugary dressings which can be high in both fat and calories. Many salads do contain good fats that can help with weight loss (such as in the case of avocados and olive oil), yet this is not always so. Avoid those sneaky calories by drizzling your salads with a light dressing such as balsamic vinegar, or skipping the dressing entirely.

Soup

While soup can be the perfect weight loss food when prepared correctly, not all soups fall into the diet food category. In fact, many soups can rack up a significant amount of fat and calories, particularly those containing dairy products such as cream or cheese. On top of that, many soups are very high in salt, which can lead to bloating. To help stay trim and cut calories, try purchasing (or better yet, making your own) vegetable-based and cream-free soups.

Dips

Hummus is often perceived as the perfect diet-friendly dip. However, while the healthy snack is undoubtedly nutritious, it is also packed with calories and fat from its principle ingredients of oil and tahini. Another dip for dieters to watch out for is guacamole which, while traditionally packed with nutrients and good fats, often contains calorie-laden double cream. While most dips can be eaten in moderation, if you want to splurge guilt-free go for a homemade tomato salsa which is packed with nutritious ingredients and is almost fat-free.

Vegetable crisps

Many people view vegetable crisps as the “healthy” alternative to the potato variety. However, while some vegetable crisps contain slightly more fibre and vitamins than potato crisps, this is not always the case and the difference is generally very slight, with most of the vitamins derived from fresh veggies being lost in the process of making them into crisps. On top of this, vegetable crisps are often just as high in fat and calories as potato ones and contain just as much salt.

Popcorn

Air-popped popcorn is a great nutritious, high-fibre and diet-friendly snack. However, when butter is added into the equation, the tasty snack can quickly lose its healthy credentials. Store-bought and cinema popcorn can be extremely high in fat and calories due to its liberal coating of butter and/or sugar, and is often also served in large quantities. Furthermore, as the TV-friendly snack is often eaten in front of a screen, we can easily consume far more than we intend to due to mindless snacking.

Granola

It’s marketed as a health food, is sold in health food stores and even looks remarkably healthy, so it must be a diet food, right? In the case of granola, sadly the answer is no. While granola is undoubtedly nutritious and full of fibre, it also contains high quantities of sugar and oil, making it extremely high in fat and calories. To help save your waistline, try eating granola in small portions or, better yet, switch to a lower fat sugar-free muesli which will deliver the same health benefits without the calories.

What you didn't know about heart problems

Busted: Top 10 Myths Related to Heart Problems

We at MensXP love busting myths. And this time around we'll debunk some myths related to human heart which has always been shrouded in mystery, be it in the Bollywood movies or in real life as vital body organ.
We are constantly swimming in an ocean of heart-related myths. There's a lack of complete and correct knowledge about the heart and people don't really know what's good or bad for their heart.
Let's deflate some heart-related myths right now:

Myth No. 1: Heart-Attack cannot get you if you're Physically Fit

Being fit may lessen the risk factors but it doesn't guarantee a life exempted from diseases. People often live under the impression that heart diseases mostly affect those who are obese. Even thin or weight conscious people can suffer from clogged arteries resulting from cholesterol deposits or damaged arteries. Factors like diabetes, smoking, tobacco abuse, genetic predisposition, genetics, high cholesterol or hypertension expose you to risk irrespective of your fitness levels.

Myth No. 2: It's Easy to Recognize the Symptoms of a Heart Attack

Forget ordinary people, a heart attack can even play hide-and-seek with cardiologists. Its symptoms can be varying and may not always be severe. Do not take the following symptoms lightly: Chest pain, shortness of breath, cold sweat, nausea, weakness, unusual fatigue, heaviness, weakness, or pain in one or both arms, back pain, indigestion, racing or fluttering heart. Seek immediate medical attention if you experience these.

Rough diagram of pain zones in myocardial infarction (dark red = most typical area, light red = other possible areas, view of the chest).

Myth No. 3: No Chest Pain Means No Heart Attack

A heart attack can have unusual indicators. Infact at times diabetics may not experience any pain. And it's not necessary that a person only experiences pain in the chest area. Chest pain or discomfort can be anywhere, starting from jaw to the umbilicus (navel aka belly button). The pain is not clearly localised. In fact, it's not even well-defined. It might be some sort of “heaviness” or “tightness” or a feeling of pressure. The chest pain associated with heart attacks is not usually sharp but more often described as dull. It can be lasting or intermittent. Squeezing or unusual discomfort at the back doesn't always mean an attack but the possibility cannot be fully ruled out until the tests are done.
Also, if you feel that you are experiencing an irregular heartbeat or hyperventilating, then don't overlook it as stress related disorder.

Myth No. 4: Wait and Watch the Chest Pain to Subside

The ancient “wait and watch” approach can prove to be lethal in the cases of heart and brain. Immediate medical attention should be sought after if you experience unrecognized, inexplicable chest pain. Every second counts and may cause irreparable damage to the heart. Dismissing chest pain for indigestion or gas is not a wise idea.

A myocardial infarction occurs when an atherosclerotic plaque slowly builds up in the inner lining of a coronary artery and then suddenly ruptures, causing catastrophic thrombus formation, totally occluding the artery and preventing blood flow downstream.

Myth No. 5: Heart Problems do not Affect Young People

This may have been true in ancient times but doesn't really hold any weight in the present times. Cases of people aged between 20 and 40 years getting hit by a heart attack have been widely reported. And the main reason for this? The kind of lifestyle we have developed in the recent years. Junk food, smoking, less exercise, increased intake of alcohol and high levels of stress has become daily lifestyles of most of the urban working population. Add to this, the factors like diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure.

Myth No. 6: Taking an Aspirin in a Day Helps to Subside Heart Attacks

While taking of aspirin tablets is recommended during an active heart attack when someone is having chest pain, it is not recommended for everyday use to prevent heart disease unless specified by your doctor. Aspirin can have some seriously harsh side-effects. Everyday use of aspirin should not be done unless approved by a doctor.

Myth No. 7: After a Heart Attack Life Comes to a Halt

Life can be back on track if a person gets conscious about his lifestyle. Don't take an attack as the end of good life. If you become aware of your eating habits, exercise regime, banish smoke and alcohol from you territory and most importantly adopt a positive attitude towards your work then you can be as healthy as you were. Of course, you have to remain under strict medical supervision and follow all the advice dispensed by the doctor.

Myth No. 8: Heart Diseases Affect Men and Women in the Same Way

Men and women, both, suffer from heart disease but men have a higher risk of getting a fatal heart disease than women who are still getting their menstrual period. The conception that women do not suffer from heart attacks in erroneous. It's just that they are less prone to the disease than men and that too in their reproductive age group. By the age of 60-65, a woman is under the same degree of risk as a man. Women also lose much of their protection if they smoke, take oral contraception, are diabetic or hypertensive. While heart attack-related symptoms are almost same in both the sexes, women may also experience vomiting, breathlessness, nausea additionally.

Myth No. 9: Diabetes is Not a Threat as Long as the Blood Sugar Level is under Control

Diabetes itself causes inflammation that can damage blood vessels, raising the risk of heart disease and other health problems. One also needs to take into account his weight, blood pressure and cholesterol levels apart from the blood sugar level.

Myth 10: I've Already Had an Angioplasty (heart surgery) and so I can put all Heart-related worries to Rest

This is definitely untrue. If you go back to same old lifestyle ripe with carelessness that originally allowed you to develop a heart problem then you are quite likely to damage your heart again.
We must understand that heart is a complex organ and needs our attention accordingly. With diet, exercise and greater awareness of risks, most heart diseases are preventable. But sadly enough, people treat their cars better than their bodies.

What your lucky number says about you

Numero Love Profile

 

Numero Love Profile
If your ruling number is 1, will you be passionate, romantic or adventurous? Will you be an impressive date?

1 – Your adventurous nature makes your love life highly passionate and your mate will never have a dull moment with you around. Short romantic vacations will make your love life exciting. You have the elegance and charm to impress your date and make sure he or she has a good time.

2 – You are a bit cautious and you keep your feelings guarded. Your bruised ego from a failed relationship may lead to an unsatisfactory love life. Your dating style needs a lot of improvement. You need to be a bit more socail and let your guard down.

3 – You are an optimistic and fun loving person. You meet new people all the time and your chances of falling in love more than once are quite high. You are a serial dater and will enjoy the time that you spend with your date having as much fun as you possibly can!

4 – Your conservative nature and your busy schedule leaves no room for love and increases the chances of love life being a little dull. Although you like the idea of falling in love you hardly ever have the time for it. To enjoy dating you need to expand your social circle and meet new people.

5 – You seek freedom no matter what you do. You will want to have a very understanding mate who gives you enough space and freedom to do what you want. A nagging wife is definitely not your cup of tea! Your dating style is quite cool and you have a unique style of your own which is quite impressive

6 – You are a responsible person and are not too much into fairytale romances. You will be equally happy with someone who is sensible and has much in common with you. It's not just looks that draws you to your mate. When you date someone, you like to take things slow and never jump into a relationship.

7 – You find it hard to express your feelings and get close to people. Chances of your having one sided relationships are quite high. But when you do have that special someone in your life, you will do everything you can to make him or her happy. You make friends but hardly ever go out on romantic dates.

8 – You like to be in control of your love life. You will not settle for anything less than true love. You want complete honesty and loyalty from your mate. Chances of your getting jealous are quite high. When it comes to dating, you need to learn to be a bit more subtle and not interrogate your date on the first meeting itself!

9 – You believe in passionate romances. Your marriage will be a dramatic affair and will surely be a love match. Your romantic affair will definitely get toungues wagging. When it come to dating you are a pro. You need no tips or advice and you know exactly how to get what you want.

Here are 6 ways to stop mindless munching

Washington, Aug 15 (ANI): Most people don't realise that the simple snack they have been munching on can have hundreds of extra calories that can make them gain weight.

Now six ways have been suggested that can help quell the mindless munching once and for all.
"Skipping meals sets you up for intense cravings," ABC News quoted Susan Kraus, R.D., a nutritionist at Hackensack University Medical Center, as saying.
Eating regular meals of complex carbs, not refined ones like white bread and pasta, with protein and a small amount of healthy fat will keep your blood sugar steady, and you feeling satisfied.
Next is to identify what triggers mindless munching by keeping a food log for a week, recording your moods, what stresses you out, and how hungry you feel before eating.
The third step is to wait out a stressful period, because that is the time when one is most susceptible to the brain's demands. The 20 minutes after a stressful episode is the amount of time it takes for serotonin to bounce back and stress hormones to fall.
Fourthly, when craving sets in one should drink a glass of water or hot tea, as the hypothalamus, your brain's control centre for mood- and food-related signals, detects thirst as well as hunger.
The fifth step is to reach for sugar-free gum when the urge to munch something arises.
Researchers in Australia measured the levels of cortisol in the saliva of study subjects and found that on average, gum chewers had 16 percent less of the stress hormone than non-chewers and responded better to stressful situations.
And the sixth step suggests taking things lightly, as studies have shown that laughter cuts stress, releases feel-good endorphins, and burns calories. (ANI)

Things not to do in an interview

• You know to turn off your ringer and dress to impress, but the following surprising slips may not be on your radar.
  Don't be cocky
  Confidence-i.e., appearing composed and sure of yourself as opposed to like a nervous wreck-is always an appealing quality. Arrogance, on the other hand, made 51 percent of employers want to kick an applicant out of their office on the spot. No matter how much of a superstar you were at your last job, don't make it sound as if you single-handedly pulled off every amazing accomplishment.
  Little things like bringing a latte with you, pushing aside a pile of papers on an interviewer's desk so you can plunk down your portfolio, or sneaking a glance at the clock can also make you seem self-important-as if your time and stuff are more valuable than theirs are. Another minor goof they see as arrogant: leaving your sunglasses on top of your head.
  Say the magic words
  Of course you don't want a potential boss to think you're gunning for the role of office kiss-ass, but playing it too cool can wreck your chances. 55 percent of bosses surveyed said a lack of enthusiasm is one of the biggest mistakes that a candidate make. Seriously.
  Get the right message across by using words like 'exciting' and 'interesting'. To show you mean it, read up on the company's history and the industry in general before the interview, and slip some of the things you learned into the conversation.
  Don't sound rehearsed
  Most of us have gotten this well-meaning advice from a career counsellor: when you're asked "What's your biggest weakness? throw out something that's actually good, like "I'm a workaholic or "I am a perfectionist and won't stop until something's done right . Yeah...whatever! 34 percent of interviewers said they definitely notice when you respond to their questions with tired cliches. Granted, you don't want to confess anything truly incriminating, but it's okay to reveal a real weakness, provided you follow it up with how you're working to correct it.
  Don't fail the question test
  There are only a few minutes left in the interview, and you get what seems like a throw-away: "Do you have any questions for me? Answering "I don't think so can mess up the awesome impression you just made, since 34 percent of bosses said they're turned off when candidates don't ask smart questions. Why? Doing so shows that you've been paying attention and indicates that you're evaluating them too-not just jumping at the first job opening you hear about.
  Prove you're a good listener by requesting that the interviewer elaborate on something she said earlier. And use this all-time great inquiry: "What type of people excel here? It never fails to impress!
  
  Courtesy: Cosmopolitan
  

Social networking 'leads to sex faster'

New York, Jan 25 (ANI): Facebook, texting and other social networking tools make new couples to jump into bed faster, reveals a new US survey.

According that third annual sex survey by Shape and Men's Fitness magazines, nearly four out of five women and three of five men say that digital intimacy leads to having sex faster, reports a foreign news agency.

However, only 38 percent of women said they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of online intimacy.

Smart phones and laptops are the new toys that lead to the bedroom, it said, with nearly 80 percent of women and 58 percent of men saying social media tools leads to sex faster.

Moreover, texting is the topmost way lovers keep in touch, with men texting 39 percent more often than calling and women 150 percent more.

As many as 65 percent of those polled said they had been asked out by text and 49 percent through a Facebook message.

And as soon as the relationship clicks, 72 percent of women reported scouring a current partner's ex-girlfriends' Facebook pages.

Even in the heat of passion, some people just can't get enough of their digital devices, the survey found.

When a call or text comes in during sex, five percent of respondents said they glance to see who is calling and one percent said they stop to answer the phone.

And when the spark is extinguished, digital dumping is the new way to break up, with 43 percent of women and 27 percent of men reporting getting a text along the lines of "It's not you, it's me."

For the heartbroken, the Internet keeps hope alive, with 81 percent of all respondents saying they won't de-friend an ex on Facebook and 75 percent admitting to constantly checking a former sweetheart's page. (ANI)